Friday, February 6, 2009

This is the way it has to be....

I'm sorry. It just has to be this way. We can no longer be friends. Even though IRL, you might possibly be the most incredible, sweet, talented, loving person I know, I'm through.  And I'm sorry to have to tell you this way, so publicly. Oh, don't act that way! You know who you are!  And I'll tell you. It was the **** beef stew.  I can't keep up! It just pushed me right over the edge! And the fact that you and Leigh Ann are off in Blissdom with all the other bloggers, and I'm probably the only one here now only makes it worse.

Yeah, that's right. In my quest to be a better mother, I decided I would just try that beef stew of yours.  Looked good. Everything you make that I've ever tasted tastes good. But just like those ****shortbread chocolate chip cookies, mine didn't quite turn out like yours.  Ohhhhhhh........ n  n   n  n  o  o  o  o  o  ....  

Got all the stuff to make it with... only the best... all fresh... organic... I chopped and cut and cleaned and got into such a frenzy because -according to calculations- this was a 6-hr undertaking, minimum. 

And it was 2ish when I finally got the beef into the oven the first time.... roughly putting dinner at... oh, I don't know... 8pm?? On a school night!

And then I remembered! In my haste, I had forgotten to salt, pepper, and dredge the beef in flour, making my concoction beef-in-wine, literally. JUST beef-in-wine. Good wine, but still. JUST beef-in-wine. I started to panic, and got back-up dinner...

Oh, and it was about here, that my husband called and said, "Hey. Let's go skiing!" Which, as you know, just isn't THAT simple.... I mean, it's at least an hour away. And there's five of us in total... five to dress, five to pack for, five to feed. And the car! Don't forget the car... need to clean it out so all that ski stuff would fit.  And get gas, 'cause runnin' on empty won't be good on a 9degree night in East Tennessee... you know, where there are no plow trucks and only one salter in five counties (the one that drops a load ON my car E V E R Y darn time). And let's just not talk about the 2 play-dates that were at my house at that very moment. The ones I had to tactfully get rid of. Or the fact that I had to go pick up my middle child from a play date. 

So, as panic set in, I pulled the plug on the stew. Stew it!! I'll just finish it tomorrow. Yeah, that's what I'll do. We'll do the pizza tonight, and wonderful, warm, make-up-for-the-pizza stew tomorrow...

Oh... but wait. It only gets better. 

The next day, back in the oven... all that was left to do... another 3 hours. Time passed and I took it out to check. You know, like you said. Might need more honey/salt & peppa/whatever. And my wine-flavored beef-broth and raw vegetables had absolutely no taste. None what-so-ever. Like, none at all. So, I pull up your blog, re-read the reci... oh. Worsteshire sauce?  Oops. And red pepper? Honey. How did I miss that!?

Now, it's starting to get late. Again. And I'm starting to panic. Again. And why aren't the vegetables cooking?!  I know. I'll turn the oven up, and set it on convection... that'll work.  Where's the rest of that wine. I need the wine. Like, really. I NEED THE WINE.

And another latte. Really. I do. Wine AND coffee. Together. 

This, however, won't be enough to  make up for this collossal mess I've created.  I know. Surely they'll forgive me with chocolate chip cookies. The tollhouse kind. You know, the 2 sticks of butter kind.

(Notice the wine, behind the beater.) (And the stew bowls, to the left.)

So, to make a long story a little less long, we did eat that night. About 8pm. 30 hours after it was started. And the stew, in spite of itself (and the 3 times that I added flour and water to try to thicken it), was really awesome. Hmm... in fact, they fought over left-overs the next day....

Hmm.... Sigh. 

So maybe it wasn't that bad. Maybe we could still work something out... maybe we could still be friends? Maybe if I made you some chocolate chip cookies...  

(Thanks for the recipe, Edie. Clearly, it's not the stew, just the cook. Do you think people would be surprised to know that I actually, at another time, in another life, created a whole menu of food, that is still ordered from today?)


  1. Patty,
    I'm sitting here at 6a in my cold('cause that's the way I like it) hotel room...coughing and sneezing and laughing my head off at this post. You MUST come with us next time. This has been so much fun. Those magical moments when your gaze meets hers across the room (a blogger you've 'connected' with through the computer) and then you run to each other and embrace and say "You're just like I imagined you would be"'s magical! Not ever under any circumstances to substitute for or take the place of IRL friends...of course. I love your posts and we will kidnap you next time.

    Glad you redeemed the stew and cookies make all things better! LOve ya!

  2. You crack me up! That took some staging to document that post, and it was appreciated. I've enjoyed the break from BlissDom which has my brain on overload.

  3. I wanted to try to make that stew too! Funny story! Glad it turned out yummy!

  4. i am so impressed you went for it... made the yuumy stew... and then totally pulled it off!

    all i know... i sure wanted to go to that "convention" of blogging bonding goodness! i think they had a BALL!

    BIG hugs to you!

    i think i really want a chocolate chip cookie now! :)